The art of happiness

El siguiente texto es una cuestión un tanto extraña. Pero hoy no tengo ganas de disculparme. Ustedes saben lo traicionera que es la inspiración. Llega de manera repentina y con muchos disfraces. Hoy llegó en inglés y así decidí recibirla. Lo que sigue no representa nada en específico más que uno de tantos viajes mentales. Tiene un tema y creo que es bastante claro.

Muchas cosas tienen un toque recurrente en lo que escribo, pero simplemente no me canso de hablar de ellas. Lo que sigue es tan real y tan ficticio como lo que expresa. Una generalización de cuestiones muy específicas. Vago, pero claro dentro de sus temas. O al menos yo así lo esperaría. Queda mucho que discutir; pero para ello hay que dialogar. Porque también hay mucha gente a quién escuchar.

Are you going to let this go?

I… I really don’t know… I don’t want to make that decision

So… you are just going to wait then?

Yes

You are going to pretend you are thinking about it, but you are just going to wait

Yes

You are weak… you know that right?

I just… I don’t have any excuses for this, and I don’t want to make up any. I’m just here.

Indeed

…

This seemed beautiful, almost magical. But…

But it really isn’t. It’s just pretty, that is all.

Perfect almost

No such thing. I just have waited so much that…

You forgot how reality is

No, on the contrary. I know all of this too well. This is textbook stuff. This is simple really.

Waiting is easy

Painful

But easy nonetheless

…

What are you so afraid of? Failure?

Once again I have nothing. This… I cannot explain.

Nothingness… do you fear it?

I do

But still… you wait.

I do

How did you end up like this? So… inadequate

It’s not fear… I just don’t feel able to make this choice.

You are hopeless

No, not yet. Besides, hope is a meaningless word.

Change

I don’t believe in destiny; but I also doubt that we can choose our fate… I just can’t believe anything at all…

You exaggerate everything you say to justify it. I know what it is… you only want to feel. Whether it is eternal happiness or perpetual misery, you simply need to feel alive. To exist.

That makes sense.

And it’s easier. It’s always easier to feel despair, anguish, sadness... It’s easier to do nothing and fuel you own scenario of emotional isolation. I can make you cry if you wish so…

But to make one laugh… to create that mind blank of sudden happiness.

That’s different, that’s what this is all about.

Indeed.

It’s simple, but deep. It has some sort of unique complexity.

The art of happiness

But you are letting it go anyway, right?

I still don’t know.

Let’s go through this once more. Analytically if you will.

Logic has no place in this.

Do you think so? Even though it may resolve it

Apparently, yes. But…

Someone decided to separate feelings and rational thought, and we decided to believe it.

You know these things don’t always make sense

Things make sense. Our actions don’t. Your actions don’t

Perhaps…

Is all of this really a problem at all? I mean… do you care about this?

I do. I mean… of all the issues in this world… maybe this one is truly transcendental.

And yet, you want to ignore it

Not completely, no. You only see two choices. But there is always a third one.

To wait.

To think.

To waste time

What’s the hurry?

Even if time doesn’t exist, death is real.

So… now we are talking about life accomplishments? Cause the last time I checked, this was about happiness. And whether I die right now, or in 200 years it is completely irrelevant.

If you die right now, you won’t have to make any more choices. And that moment you crave, that feeling you seek would never be. In a way… your despair would not be your fault. But if you endure 200 years of existence and you let this thing go, then; whether you regret it or no, you are the one to blame.

Then again, irrelevant. The moment of my death is something that I have decided not to know. Happiness is a matter of moments. And if I miss this, I will only lose so much.

There is no way to know how much you are giving up here, and you know it. Moments… maybe… but it is not so simple. Not this. You are still forming yourself… your “being”. That process never ends, and because of that… for me… time does exist. That’s the hurry.

You may be right. You should have said this before instead of your unnecessary death threats. I may be wasting my time. Every second that passes, every day that I wait… I lose something… these feelings… this motivation…

But…

To think, it is never a waste.

You think about it from the outside, like if you were only a spectator. You imagine and wait.

You know… I tried. I mean… it is incredible simple, but not incredible easy. There is a difference. And I won’t blame anybody about this. Things are like this. That is a universal truth. It is how it is. There is no way around it. I am no hero… you know that. But there is something… something precious. This… all of this is beautiful. Searching for happiness is pointless. You have to learn to exist. I might be losing the panacea of the Universe here, but this may very well be nothing but another senseless illusion. Every single second that passes we miss the opportunity of creating another life. Every choice we make, even the most insignificant one is definite and transcendental. It doesn’t matter if we decide it otherwise; some things choose us and no the other way around. We are free… but we are still confined to this reference.

So… you are letting this go?

This… whatever it is… exists. Maybe it’s already gone. Maybe it’s already here. It may be going around in circles. But I do not care anymore. Not about this, but about what this represents. That I will keep. And for the rest… I’ll wait, whatever that means.

The answer is yes then.

There is no answer to this. When I told you I didn’t know it was not because I didn’t want to tell you, but because I really do not know.

You still know nothing about happiness. But that’s all right. You are getting better at it. I know it.

Thanks